destiny bond

On retrograde

2008-10-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

Life has never been more idle than what it is now. Finding myself waking up every other weekday to a boring routine. And it's even more torturous to go through miniature cycles of that same boredom when duty 2hr shifts. Itz literally boredom within boredom. Along comes idleness, unless one can refute that sleeping time off in a guardroom and stoning plus standing at one spot with a load on your shoulder is something significant and filled with activity. If given a chance to turn idleness into productivity, i'd gladly comply. But there's simply no room for that. This is so bleak =(
A conversation yesterday made me realize how out of contact i am with the current affairs. Spent too much time memorising some stuff which i deem crap, but is essential to my job. Had been living in the procrastinatory state of excusing myself from the papers, thinking that they can wait; that memorising crap comes first, cuz i'd be tested on 'em. Really hate embarrassing myself when it comes to such dialogues. Wish i could get over and done with it, and move on with more pertinent matters.
Idle is not all bad though. I'm appreciating the relatively stress-free life i'm leading now, and the juicy weekends which spruce it up. Have been setting a few goals to see me through the next 1.5 years. Things would change, but i'd try to say true to my goals.
" Don't let the things around you affect you."
" Even if u're in shit, there's always something to learn. Spot the flaws in others, and learn not to repeat them yourself."
" You gonna be shy forever?"
Life goes on. I shall find more time to spend with some friends who are keen to meet up. Uni life beckons ever so appealingly at the end of the long stretch of road with opened doors, though nobody knows what lies behing those doors. Oppurtunities? Friendships? Hardship? Argh heck it has gotta be way better than NS.
Finding back the balance in my life.

~Reiz~

It's like a ring to a widow,
light to the blind;
Yet a mirage to a lost traveller,
and a dream to one?

BIG DAY

2008-04-24T04:10:00.000-07:00

Wow time flies. I was just commenting on my enlistment day on my previous post and here I am blogging on the eve of it. So much has happened for the past 4-5 months, and I'd say I really enjoyed my time off my studies. A few months without stress( except for uni applications and scholarship apps which i stupidly got stressed over cuz i didnt noe they wouldnt reserve scholarship places for ns guys) is really quite a deal considering the fervid era we are living in right now. My time at Yellow Pages was really enjoyable( minus the forcing-myself-to-stay-awake and getting tired of calling and calling). It's more of the people factor that made me wanna go work everyday. Wouldnt forget the kbox sessions, the numerous treats and that night of clubbing! Wouldnt it be nice if i had colleagues like u guys in future when i officially start working!? Oh and the PPS meetups were so fun! They really saved me from boring saturday nights i would otherwise have spent doing shit and thinking how much better off i'd be while out there making merry. Somehow i just cant bear to stay at home on friday and sat nights.
And all of these is about to end! OH my...my honeymoon before NS is over! And to think that i keep pushing off the thought of getting my hair dyed cuz i tot doing so was too troublesome..likewise for ear-piercing. NOW I WANT also NO CHANCE(for now)! aiya. call it typical pre-NS woes. HAiz why didnt i start everything earlier..
Just had a revelation from someone last night haha. I shall be more discerning from now on towards hints being dropped in front of me like atomic bombs. Wasted la..wasted. But itz okay! At least it all didnt fade into oblivion. Somehow managed to salvage huh haha...Hope i wouldnt be missed too much during my confinement! WMY.
WAh shit duunno why i keep thinkig about chinese new year now. OH and about fishing too. Just listened to ji4 mo4 de3 ji4 jie2 we recorded on sunday, and plus the chilly evening, a scenario of an EMO-kid emo-ing is complete. HOpe the ji mo de ji jie really can help someone ding shen. I shall be entering my ji mo de ji jie tmr..so exciting! and i'd be shaving..so exciting! ON A JOYOUS AND EXUBERANT note i end here. MAy everything go smoothly..and NS not make me run too much.

Cheers
`BlesedBOy

back

2007-12-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

Guess i owe my blog an apology for ignoring it for so damn long.
A levels are over..and i have yet to accomplish all tt i have aspired to before my great reprieve. All the flowery, 'rainbow-and-butterflies' thoughts of getting my hair dyed and picking up the guitar seem to have given way to more pressing agendas like prom performance and less pressing but very addictive ones like chionging all my nintendo DS games. Of course there's time set aside to get fit(a subjective term) too..haiz and speaking of tt reminds me of my super late enlistment date..april 25th. If i didnt have to keep going for those ear checkups my pes status would've been confirmed much earlier and i would be going in early like everyone else, i tink. And i'd better not waste these 4 months doing nothing. Getting a job or start learning driving would keep the laze-bug away... i tink.
Time really flies. The much coveted class chalet was over in a flash..and proud to say, i enjoyed it more than the one we had last year. Maybe it was the setting, or the mood, or the people..i dont noe. But somehow it seemed more enjoyable..it became the kind that caused me to have a hangover after it was over. Though it was a mere 2 days instead of 3, we all had good fun, at least for me. And yeah though i was abit shocked at the screw-up of check-in dates figured tt it is quite unjustified to blame anyone la. the ones who screwed up were the ones who actually bothered to see to chalet matters..and tt alone is sth admirable.
Hmm..next up: prom performance. Ha i didnt expect us to make it thru auditions.. kinda screwed it by having forgotten my part lol. Last chance to make an impression in front of the school..i'll give it my best shot. Sadly, prom would probably (abt 80%) be the last time i'd get see fellow schoolmates of the jc2 cohort.
K now i'm home alone. Parents have embarked on a week's long holiday and my bro went to stay at my aunt's hse. What to do? blog lor.
May things turn out much better than expected.

cheers,
ReiZ

2007-04-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

Subtle as the breeze,
they slip pass our grasp;
These abstractions of love,
elusive yet near.

Question the existence of true love,
only to dwell in a million doubts.

"Are stars up there to stay?
Love to move a mountain?
As hidden yet magnificent as the Atlantis?
For how Samson loved Delilah?"

Impossible as the end of a rainbow,
transient as a passing car?
As changing as how the clear blue sky can fly into a torrential rage,
as confusing as why you aren't here with me?

Someday we'll know,
how people aren't meant together.
Someday we'll know,
that we would never know.

Got my inspiration from this particular song called Someday We'll Know by Mandy Moore and Jonathan Foreman. Itz simply too stirring to ignore..original lyrics makes u wanna drive across the suburbans in Chicago in the desert at night, when the night sky teems with glittering stars, to ponder about true love.
Ha too young for such things la..but itz quite fulfilling to actually play around with such concepts.

~REiz signing off

phantom craze

2007-03-10T01:56:00.000-08:00

Argh im into phantom of the opera again! tnx alot ck..haha
Somehow it brings back lots of memories of my sec4 years. But its so different altogether..it seemed that ive understood the brilliant masterpiece much much deeper this time round. For instance, 'masquerade', albeit how exultant and celebratory it appears to be, actually mocks man's hypocrisy and sanctimony. Wah i was totally owned when ck explained it to me la. The movie's rendition of this deceitful piece features people with faces hidden behind fanciful masks dancing and making merry in the grand hall 0f the theartre the phantom haunts. Apparently everyone was celebrating , in blithe,a prosperous new year and the absence of the phantom for the past 3 months. I really took everything at face-value the first time i watched the show..and back then i actually thought his was the dumbest song in the whole musical. I was the dumb one haha
Here's how the wonderfully crafted lyrics of the song go:

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade!
Hide your face, so the world willnever find you!
Masquerade!
very face a different shade . . .
Masquerade!
Look around -there's anothermask behind you!Flash of mauve . . .
Splash of puce . . .
Fool and king . . .
Ghoul and goose . . .
Green and black . . .
Queen and priest . . .
Trace of rouge . . .
Face of beast . . .
Faces . . .
Take your turn, take a rideon the merry-go-round . . .
in an inhuman race . . .
Eye of gold . . .
Thigh of blue . . .
True is false . . .
Who is who . . .?
Curl of lip . . .
Swirl of gown . . .
Ace of hearts . . .
Face of clown . . .
Faces . . .
Drink it in, drink it up,till you've drowned in the light . . .
in the sound . . .
Masquerade!
Grinning yellows,spinning reds . . .
Masquerade!
Take your fill -let the spectacle astound you!
Masquerade!
Burning glances,turning heads . . .
Masquerade!
Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you!
Masquerade!
Seething shadows breathing lies . . .
Masquerade!
You can fool any friend whoever knew you!
Masquerade!
Leering satyrs, peering eyes . . .
Masquerade!
Run and hide -but a face will still pursue you!

It's really owning..this piece. It flawlessly potrays our vulnerability to the insidious intentions masked behind kind and deceitful facades the people around us put on. Inevitably, we ourselves, in a struggle to not lose out, put on facades of our own to present a similarly beguiling image of ourselves. That's why the world is so "colourful", that's why itz a masquerade of exaggerative pretense. Such a poignant notion put across in such a misleadingly mirthful manner...wah ownage.
WAh I was enlightened in lotz of othe ways..perhaps i'll talk more abt them next time..haha music redefined.

withdrawal

2006-11-17T06:50:00.000-08:00

For as many times it seemed possible,
it seemed impossible.
For as many times it took a step forward,
it withdrew.

Lust, they call it?
A gross over-estimation of oneself?
Before these downplaying notions seeped into it's conciousness,
the toad had never thought that dreaming for a swan's companion was wrong.

IT could only hide within the bush of cattails,
and observe the graceful display of all that it ever wanted, in silence.
For if it ever shows itself,
it's hedious form would cause a lifetime's regret.

Perhaps sensing her presence was enough of a blessing,
watching from afar was enough a godsend oppurtunity.
It knows that it can never ask for more;
it was never entitled a place in the picturesque setting of the glistening lake with the swan as centrepiece.

All it could do is to hide it's sorrows in the day,
and pour them out to the stars and the moons at night.
For everytime it tells itself it is contented that the swan is happy,
it questions:"Why cant i be the comforting rays of the sun that shower her with warmth, or even the fishes which swim under her feet?"

Well..have been playing around with this idea of a toad lusting for a swan's meat. BUt in this case i altered the meaning of phrase to 'a toad lusting for a swan', which appears to be a more intangible form of desire.
LOlx perhaps this is why toads only live by the riverside in the marshes, and only croak at night.
-REiZ siging off

And the boredom sets in

2006-11-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

THe HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!
Yea they are here..
yup here..
hmm..
ya..
wat's the big deal.

ITz amazing how humans can have mercurial change in attitudes towards things. I guess the determining factor of one's attitude is the situation one's in. Before the holidays, everyone yearns for it's arrival. Now that it's here, cherishing every moment of relaxation seem collateral as we concern ourselves with how to past time and kill boredom. Well this might be enjoyment itself, but we cannot deny that the value we've placed on each day of the holidays before it arrived has depreciated. It all pares down to a very simple concept; we never cherish what we've got only when it's gone.
Life can really be quite boring without committments. Upon hearing bout how busy others are, i question myself on my daily routine. Isnt eveything so uncannily repititive? WAking up, tries to do homework but gets distracted, take afternoon nap, get my evening dose of exercise, watch tv, use com, sleep. This deviates too far from my idealised holidays of spending each day too it's fullest. Maybe itz just because of the lack of motivation, or the lack of a sense of urgency that the school term is going to start. BUt time, this very serreptitious entity, sneaks by just when u let your guard down. In the blink of an eye, the holidays will approach an end and everything will be in a mess. I've experienced it so very much that i can vision the stages in a flow-chart.
HOpefully the true spirit of holidays will manifest itself during more meaningful activities like the class chalet and my cruise trip. But till then..cheers to a simple life of emptiness and void..lolx
Someone jolt me awake.

Zombified ReiZ signing off

REminiscence

2006-11-13T07:24:00.000-08:00

What a magical escapade,
what a wonderful time.
What a viable alternative,
to the mundane life i have.

I recollect,
i revisit.
But doing so only hurts me more,
it only aggravates my yearnings.

Can i immerse in your splendours forever,
and never re-surface?
Can i continue deceiving myself,
can reality never set in?

My commitments precludes me from doing so,
they forced me to return.
Perhaps one day i could be reprieved,
and return to your embrace.

Go places down memory lane

2006-11-13T05:36:00.000-08:00

Ok so this is my first post for my new blog..Thought that i wanted a touch of melancholy in the whole outlook. However what i got was more of a lovelorn feel which,trust me, is not what i exactly am right now!OK fei hua sao shuo...
To have our moods dictated by something as strange and impersonal as places..Have u ever had the poignant sense of deja vu whenever the setting is just right, no matter where u are? For me, itz whenever the breeze whisper by my cheeks, whenever the clouds don a dark coat, whenever the chill gnaws at my skin, whenever the sentimental songs play at the background, that my mind would be flooded by a deluge of memories. Memories which seemed ever so subtle, but yet leave a strong impression in some unknown corner of my mind. Memories like how i used to stroll past the grass meadow towards the bus-stop from my old secondary school while it was still situated at Fernvale, like how i spent that drizzly evening sand-gliding at the desert dunes with my choir mates in Australia, like how i met the glance of my crush upon stepping out of the school gates on that particular wet evening...
Deja vu. The feeling of nostalgia always comes after a rain, when the moisture lingers lazily in the air and everything seems drenched. Strangely enough for me, itz always during these moments when i would recall memories which i never thought i registered. THen, my mind would take flight..to places which would not ever have the same feel as i once experienced if i were to return there again.
Our memory is not only used for memorising suff. Instead, i refer to it as precious bookmarks marking unforgettable chapters of our lives. Unfortunately, there's a limit to how well they can serve their purpose. THey can only tell of the existence of the pages, but can never allow us to read the chapter over again.